The Seven Plagues of Jaromir Jagr

By: Ken Will

We have a trade to announce! The Florida Panthers have acquired Jaromir Jagr from the New Jersey Devils in exchange for some stuff that will only happen if some other things happen…or something. The details aren’t really important. This news came on the heels of a thrilling foot chase between human and llama in Arizona that kept Twitter busy most of the afternoon.

There are few characters  who are as interesting as Jaromir Jagr. They are even more rare in hockey. We get excited every time a player gets pied in the face with shaving cream for the 25th time this season. But Jagr has a knack for not only being an interesting player–weird just seems to follow him at every turn in his career.

Here are the Seven Plagues that Jagr’s career has brought us over the last 25 years:

I) Llamas on the Loose

Llamas run wild in Arizona. No idea how this even happened and I logged onto twitter just as the whole thing was wrapping up. I’m going to be bitter about that for awhile. Meanwhile, Jagr is traded from the New Jersey Devils to the Florida Panthers

II) Balloon Boy

Business Insider

Business Insider














In 2009, we were all glued to the TV watching a six-year old boy who appeared to be floating over Fort Collins, Colorado after having somehow hijacked an experimental balloon. Jagr tries to outweird this family after leaving the NHL and making this video in Europe, which really doesn’t get enough credit:


III) Election 2000

The Florida ballots from the 2000 Election took almost a month to recount.

The Florida ballots from the 2000 Election took almost a month to recount.


At the same time votes were being recounted in Florida, Jagr dropped the line that would come to define his departure with the Pittsburgh Penguins.

“I feel like I’m dying alive. … I don’t feel comfortable here right now” -Jaromir Jagr


IV) Teletubbies
















Oh dear god. The Teletubbies debuted in March of 1997. Mario Lemieux retired a month later and passed on the role of franchise player to Jaromir Jagr. The world would never be the same.

USA Today

USA Today












V) Alien Autopsy

Alien Autopsy

Alien Autopsy




In 1995, the tabloids came to cable TV with footage of a supposed alien autopsy in Roswell, NM. I believed it. Or at least, my dad believed it enough for me to suspend my own disbelief. I didn’t sleep for a solid week after watching the video and Jaromir Jagr won his first Art Ross Trophy.













VI) Turtles on the Runway

Jagr Turtles

#JagrWatch at its finest. The rumors appeared to be true. The prodigal son was returning to Pittsburgh and flights were being tracked through Twitter, fans were staking out at airports in Europe and the United States in hopes of snapping visual evidence of Jagr’s arrival, bloggers were placing phone calls to agents and turtles were holding the whole thing up on the tarmac at JFK Airport. Jagr signs with the Philadelphia Flyers and ruins all of our fun.


VII) ????

What will be the seventh plague of Jagr? I’m not ready to close the book on this one and Jagr still has plenty of weird left in him. We should all be rooting for things to go well in Florida so that he goes into the offseason energized and excited for another year of strange.